Sci-Fi Communication Skills: Sleight of Mouth Part 1

Recently, while communicating with an ebayer who sold me some faulty DVDs, I overcame lots of his negative beliefs and attitudes by using language in a very particular way. Let me explain some more....

I finished reading another book by the brilliant Robert Dilts this week. The book title is "Sleight of Mouth."

I am guessing that your first question may well be; what is "Sleight of Mouth?"

Sleight of Mouth are language patterns, that is, patterns of language; ways of using your words. They come from the world of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP studies the world's most successful people from all walks of life and then shares how they do what they do so well.

When the tools of NLP were used to study the world's most powerful persuaders, a compelling and impressive set of language patterns emerged. These language patterns are called "Sleight of Mouth."

Each Sleight of Mouth pattern is a valuable tool for overcoming limiting beliefs, opening people up to new ideas and being able to find a new "spin" or "point of view." For success, whether in therapy, sales or personal interaction it's vital to help people open up to what you are saying. Sleight of Mouth patterns do that in what seems like a usual conversation. If you have listened to any of the interviews on my website, you will know that we have discussed conversational hypnosis and these sleight of mouth language patterns are very similar.

You can use these patterns to improve your relationships, make more money, be a better therapist, create more business and help people get past limiting beliefs they may have. You can even use these powerful sets of language patterns to overcome your own roadblocks to success.

Ok, so your next question may well be: Are these Sleight of Mouth language patterns ethical?

Many times, people ask if using Sleight of Mouth patterns is ethical. Well, any set of tools can be used for the benefit or the detriment of others. Sleight of Mouth is no different in that regard. We encourage the use of these patterns in an ethical matter. We define ethical as going for a goal that is beneficial to both parties in a communication. You can think of it as "win/win." We all do things to enhance the way that others view us, we make ourselves look nice before going out on a date for example; in the hope of letting that lucky person think we are as attractive as possible.

As a therapist I only use these patterns to help people accomplish goals that they have asked me to help them accomplish. If someone comes to me to stop smoking and has a belief that is making it difficult, I will use Sleight of Mouth patterns to help them get past that belief. I do not use these patterns to challenge other belief systems they might have unless they specifically ask me to! It doesn't matter whether I think they ought to change their other beliefs or not.

In non-therapeutic situations you can use sleight of mouth patterns to help open up others to options they may not have considered. These situations can include any personal or business dealings.

Remember, the purpose of using these incredibly persuasive patterns is not to force other people to do your bidding. It's to open them up to ideas. Use Sleight of Mouth patterns for getting a better price on a DVD player, asking someone out on a date, helping someone lose weight, getting a pay rise or closing a sale.

Ok, so when do you Use Sleight of Mouth patterns?

People like to find reasons for things being the way they are in their life. Reasons often become excuses or rationalisations. Unfortunately, sometimes the reasons people come up with are possibly incorrect but prevent them from solving their problems. These reasons may turn into beliefs that limit a person.

Sleight of Mouth patterns are most useful when people express one of these limiting beliefs. Beliefs (both useful and harmful) usually come in the form of one of two equations.

X causes Y or X means Y

When someone tells you they can't lose weight because "I have an under-active thyroid," they are saying X (being unable to lose weight) is caused by Y (thyroid issue).

When someone says, "These DVD players are on sale, so we can't lower the price any further," they are saying X (the DVD players already being on sale) means Y (there are no further discounts available).

Let's examine the two beliefs expressed above and look at how they limit these people.

If you were overweight and believed it was due to thyroid problems, would you try to do anything about it? Probably not. What good would it do? This belief could be getting in the way of this person doing anything about losing weight.

If you were a salesman who wanted to sell a DVD player and the customer wanted a lower price, your belief that the price could go no lower might get in the way of you making the sale. If you were the customer and wanted a better price, the salesman's belief would be getting in your way too!

Begin to "tune your ears" to pick up these limiting beliefs in your language and the language of others. Pay attention to words and phrases that contain cause and effect or meaning statements or imply them.

Here are some examples…

"I'll never be wealthy because I didn't go to University." (No degree means no possibility of earning good money) "You must go to bed now, it's nine o'clock." (Nine o'clock means bedtime "I can't quit smoking, nicotine's more addictive than heroin." (The "fact" that nicotine is more addictive than heroin means that they can't quit) "When she looks at me that way I get excited." (Her looking at them that way causes them to feel excited)

So, let's get on with the patterns themselves, shall we?

First of all, here is the Reality Strategy:

To generate a Reality Strategy Sleight of Mouth pattern use one or both of the following patterns…

1. Ask how they know their belief is "true?" 2. Ask how would they know if that belief were not true?

Example Limiting Belief: "I can't go into hypnosis because my mind likes to be in control."

Example Reality Strategy Response: "How do you know you can't go into hypnosis and be in control?"

Example Limiting Belief: "It is impossible for me to learn this material - I have a poor memory."

Example Reality Strategy Response: "How would you know if that wasn't true?"

Let me explain the process that is occurring here:

What you're looking/listening for when you ask how they know their belief is true is what they do in their head that makes their belief seem real to them. Often what you'll get, with careful questioning, is some specific experience they had where they formed their current belief. In the first example, you might get a response such as "I read it in a book once," or "my father always said that." What you have done is taken it from being some universal truth to something that was in a book or that someone once said. That's much easier to work with.

When you ask, "How would you know if that belief were not true," you are encouraging them to step into a different way of thinking. In order to consider not having a poor memory and not learning the material well, this person has to imagine having a good memory and learning the material well!

People tend to accomplish, much more easily, what they can imagine. You have just helped them imagine what they would like to accomplish. Pretty cool eh?

The following article is dedicated to sharing many more of these language patterns with you, so that you can learn how to use them in any conversation to gain more and more from your communication.