Nice Guys Finish Last - Or Do They?

So the cliche rings out: “Nice Guys Finish Last.” When this expression was coined by the famous baseball coach Leo Durocher, what he meant was that winning requires toughness, ruthlessness, and singleness of mind in order that one aspire to champion status. We all want to win and be champions—at least on a conscious level. However, losing is also part of life and we need to deal with this aspect at times. What has happened with this statement is that it has been accepted by the populace as a truism. Yet is it really true? If you are nice, does this imply that you must necessarily finish last? Most people give a knee-jerk response to this statement without really contemplating its true import or implications. This statement, along with bromides like “It’s a dog-eat-dog world,” serve only both to disempower and force us to believe in false doctrines established by society.

The current times have brought with them a plethora of unforseen ills, maladies, misfortunes, and tribulations. We have come to believe that in order to avoid these hostile environments, we must be tough, hard, and mean. True, for some the world is great and it should be very easy to be nice. Yet is this the case? We believe this when we watch the television parading in front of our faces the celebrities and stars that inhabit tinseltown. We think—myself included—“Boy, what a life. How come my life isn’t like that one’s?” What is seen in general is the “greener grass,” not the behind-the-scenes stuff that adversely affects the lives of these people as well. All have problems even though we might want to believe otherwise. I still can’t understand why most of these “beautiful people” can’t stay married for too long even though they seem to have everything they want. If money and stardom were the road to happiness then why do so many of these stars end up in failed marriages? and why should there ever be an instance of some being not so nice?

The broader point here is that “niceness” in people has been equated to weakness— rather than strength—of character. This brings to mind a story that happened to me when I was about fourteen years old. My friends and I were playing a game of touch football on my street in Brooklyn. An older guy, about mid-twenties, was playing with us. He was on my team. At one point in the game, a player from the opposing side was running with the ball toward me and made a quick slithering move as I went to tag him. I only got one hand on him—not the two necessary to stop the play. I told the truth and admitted that I only got one hand on him. As a result, the play moved further up the field, where my older teammate tagged the opposing player. My older teammate pulled me aside and told me that I was going to have problems in the world if I was so honest all the time. To him, I exhibited weakness of character. Basically, he was saying that if I was going to be such a nice guy, then I was going to finish last.

Well, I look at my life in retrospect and I have to admit that I find it very hard not to be nice. I have been accused many times, even by people who know me well, that I am too nice all the time. Without going into detail here, I must admit that I have suffered many times as a result of being a nice guy. Sometimes the results of this action have caused me tremendous suffering, which is always enhanced further when I get bombarded by yet another media blast showing how the better half lives. This compels me to think, “Maybe if I weren’t so nice, I could have had a life like that.” Yet I wouldn’t trade being this way for the world, as I know—not just intuitively but also from practical experience—that to be any other way would be wrong. Indeed the few times I tried to be “not so nice a guy” and untrue to myself, I always had this backfire on me, and the resulting humiliation and feelings of foolishness were far worse than any suffering as a result of doing the right thing. In this respect, I’ve always finished first. And with all my imperfections and weaknesses of character, I know that in God’s eyes, nice guys finish first.